Own your amazing
I had the privilege of mentoring a high potential woman a few years back – let’s call her Kay*. She was smart, talented, and well regarded throughout the organization. Her approach was unassuming, she was an excellent navigator of internal politics and could build trust in groups quickly. Whenever I spoke to her about her career path, she often expressed doubts about her ability and shied away from owning her accomplishments and skills. When given recognition for a job well done, she would say “I didn’t do anything” and that the “team was amazing.” She meant it too.
In How Women Rise, authors Sally Helgerson and Marshall Goldsmith, identify reluctance to claim your achievements as one of the habits that holds women back from reaching greater career success. They state, “If you struggle to claim credit for your achievements, it may cost you throughout your career. But the costs will be highest when you’re trying to move to the next level or seeking a new job. Speaking up about what you contribute and detailing why you’re qualified does not make you self-centered or self-serving. It sends a signal that you’re ready to rise.”
In Kay’s case – she continued to deliver results. And yet, other individuals, who were less qualified, got promoted. During succession planning the value that she demonstrated was never discussed. But, when we would need someone to take on a project or task, she was often tapped when others were not. She always delivered, with her same modest approach.
One day, we went to lunch. She seemed frustrated and resigned about not getting promoted. I asked her, “Why don’t you take credit for your work?” Surprised, she said, “I do.” We then went on and had a conversation about how she always said the phrase, “it was nothing” or “I didn’t do anything” when given recognition for a job well done. She told me that she didn’t want to be arrogant. Suddenly, it all made sense to me. She had a personal bias that taking credit equaled arrogance. “If the project fails, what you do?” She answered honestly – “I would own it.” “So,” I asked, “why is it arrogant to own it when it succeeds?”
Women often think that others will automatically notice our good work, after all, we notice good work that others do, right? Honestly, it should work that way. But maybe we have to rethink words like bragging, egotistical, and self-promotion when it comes to owning our success. I think is best put by Amy Jen Su, on the HBR Women at Work podcast - “You should think about it more in terms of taking responsibility and ownership for your work and ideas, making sure that at every moment we can, we’re demonstrating our ability to strategically inform or story tell or be comfortable in our visibility. I think when we’re claiming credit, we’re really trying to make sure that the organization and our teams are leveraging our highest and best use of our highest value add to the organization.”
Kay was finally promoted. When I talked to her about what was different this time, she mentioned that she had been making opportunities to talk about her contributions. She learned to replace “I didn’t do anything” with “I am really proud of the work I did to accomplish the goals.” She still recognized her team, of course, but she didn’t gloss over her role either. Over time, she learned to communicate her value without giving it away. Instead of minimizing herself, she owned her role and the outcomes wholly and fully.
If you are struggling to find your voice and communicate ownership over your work and ideas, consider working with a coach. A coach can help you overcome self-doubt, limiting beliefs and negative connotations. Through a trusted partnership, a coach can help you identify what thoughts and doubts are preventing you from owning your amazing.