Is your negativity hurting you?
Yup, I've failed. Well, maybe not failed, but I sure did fall down hard. Crashed and burned. A career defining set-back failure that I will always cherish. I also didn't think I was going to recover in that moment, but I learned that the path to success wasn't what I thought it would be, but eventually, it would come. Let's break it down, shall we?
My failure came at a time where I felt as if I was at the top of my game. I was a valued leader in my organization, continually gaining more and more responsibility. People tapped me to "turn around" departments and lead visible projects. I was certain that I was next in line for promotion. Until I wasn't. And then I got a boss who had never lead leaders and was a micro-manager and didn't have nearly the same qualifications as I did....and....and...and...
You see where this is heading right? It was a downward spiral. A miserable 9 months. I could tell you my victim story. The reality is, it took me a long time to see what was happening and take accountability for my part. My perceptions limited my ability to move forward. Some insights I gained through this situation:
I needed to stop "should-having" all over my new boss. You know what I mean..."He should have involved me in that project" or "She should have been more inspirational as a leader" or "He should have never gotten the job." Should-having turned the accountability away from me. It also prevented me from moving forward and changing my perception on the situation.
Missing opportunities to be engaged. I was so focused on my own hurt and being right that I didn't see where I could engage with my boss. See, he was a new leader, in a role that he didn't understand. Instead of looking for ways to help him acclimate and succeed, I was angry and resentful. That probably didn't bring a lot of trust to our relationship. I pushed him away. Hard. That made his micro-management tendencies stronger. I started to avoid him. He started thinking I was withholding information on purpose. It created a viscous cycle. Instead of thinking about how to adjust to his style, I made his style even worse. Not only that, it affected my performance and how people viewed me.
Complaining. That woe-is-me world is attractive. Misery loves company. Complaining to other people makes you feel better (for a little bit) and proves how right you are (does it?). It also allows you to shirk responsibility. When you are a complainer, you don't have to hold the mirror up and ask yourself what you can do differently or what your role is in the situation.
I was lucky enough to have someone help me to rebuild from this mess. She also coached me to look at my actions and my perceptions. What I learned was that I was so busy being right, that I couldn't focus on a path forward. When I really looked at my role in this relationship, I was devastated. I knew I had all the responsibility in how I showed up. I was humbled. It took a long time to rebuild. But that's ok. Because I learned so much about how I wanted to lead, how I wanted to show up, who I wanted to be.
I've grown so much since this career defining moment. Honestly, I don't think that I would have grown my career to where it is now without this experience. I became an executive, got a seat in the board room, launched my own company. I've grown amazing teams and developed leaders. I'm happy. Oh, and that old boss? We're good. It turned into one of the best working relationships I've had in my career.